By The Fat Mantis

Alright, fam, grab your iced latte and settle in, because The Fat Mantis has thoughts. Sabrina Carpenter just kicked off her five-show sold-out run at Madison Square Garden, and the girl is glowing. We’re talking full-blown pop superstardom energy, all sparkles, wit, and chaos wrapped in a five-foot-tall, espresso-flavored firecracker. On Sunday night, she “arrested” none other than Anne Hathaway live on stage; yes, that Anne Hathaway, the Princess of Genovia herself. Sabrina looked right at her on the jumbotron and said, “It’s a crime to be this gorgeous.” I mean… facts. But behind all this pink-handcuff mischief, there’s another storyline brewing; one that makes this DJ’s romantic heartbeat like a bass drop at 2 A.M.

Let’s rewind a bit. For those who’ve been snoozing on it, Sabrina’s “celebrity arrests” have become a signature bit on her Short n’ Sweet Tour. Every night before she performs “Juno,” she pulls a lucky star from the crowd, usually an A-lister, and playfully “arrests” them for being too hot. It’s part theater, part flirtation, part world-class marketing move. We’ve seen her cuff Gigi Hadid, Millie Bobby Brown, Emma Bunton, and now Anne Hathaway. And look, when Anne leaned into the moment and declared she’d come “from Genovia,” I swear the Garden collectively lost its mind. Sabrina’s charisma is wild, she can disarm anyone with a smile and a one-liner.

But let’s not pretend this is all just campy fun. There’s one “arrest” that broke the internet harder than any of the rest, and that’s when Sabrina locked eyes (and pink cuffs) with Joe Keery. Yeah, Steve Harrington from Stranger Things. The chemistry between them was electric. She teased him about it being “cuffing season,” and he literally held out his wrists like a man ready to risk it all. I’ve been on this mic a long time, but I’ve never seen a crowd collectively decide that two people belong together like that. Joe looked smitten, she looked giddy, and every fan in the room felt like they were watching a rom-com happen in real time.

Now, I’m not saying they are dating, because technically, nobody’s confirmed anything. But listen: the energy between those two is giving “we text late at night about dumb memes” energy. It’s giving “we accidentally wrote each other’s names in the margins of our notebooks.” Joe’s chill indie-boy vibe perfectly complements Sabrina’s glitter-bomb charm. Together? They’re the pop-culture power couple we didn’t know we needed. Every time she winks his way or references “cuffing season,” my Brooklyn heart just melts a little more.

So yeah, Sabrina’s “arrests” are a clever, cheeky part of her show. But if there’s any justice in the pop-music universe, Joe Keery’s the one who’s truly guilty of stealing her heart. And honestly? I hope they’re keeping it quiet, living their best secret-soft-launch life while the rest of us play detective on the timeline. Because love, like a Sabrina Carpenter concert, is best when it’s got a little mystery, a lot of sparkle, and just the right amount of handcuffs.